Final Reflection

 

Wobble.

To lose balance.

To be unsteady.

To falter or stagger.



In this course, there have been many moments of "wobble" for me to work through.  I mentioned my literacy narrative in the last post, and the first and perhaps most prominent struggle has been to reconsider my identity as percieved from the outside in this new college atmosphere.  Because of band and AP, almost all of my classes during my last year of high school were year-long courses, in which I really got to know my teachers and fellow students.  In this situation, I could without issue be my quiet self and over the time, people around me gradually got to know me, and I them.  Here at UNC Charlotte it is much different.  In a class that only meets 33 times, one must be much more outgoing to create friendships.  Because I live at home and commute to Charlotte on school days instead of living in a dorm and having the traditional meal plan, I miss the main opportunity to connect with other students. 

In a traditional lecture course, this conflict is circumvented.  Walking into a class like that, the purpose of the student is clearly set forth: come to class, listen, and leave.  In contrast, this course demanded much more interaction and I became known by my name instead of a face in the crowd.  That, in itself, wasn't the rub; it actually made it feel more like high school.  The issue arouse when we began discussing our personal thoughts and life stories with those we just met.  This was very uncomfortable for me, (and still is! haha ) and many times I would talk more about what I thought my partner easily nod along with, than actually sharing my true opinion or experiences.  I would listen around me as to clues on what others were talking about and find something similiar to say; my true response often felt too sincere for 9:30 in the morning.  I think we all do this to some degree, monitoring our speech depending on who we are speaking with and the external situation, but the struggle for me was to decide how much.  God is the most influencial and important person in my life, and the experiences of every day are put into the context of his presence.  The way He has changed me means the world to me, and His plans for my future do too, though I don't yet know what those might be.  This sort of thing is difficult to mold into a casual, minute discussion with a stranger, especially when its so close to my heart.  Deciding how much I would "hide" was my greatest wobble of this course.